[[JMR201910110720: Partial re-write of dream portion:]]
[JMR201910110216: (version 2) Ryō's psyche seems to have been hijacked by a sixty year-old hyperphilosophical geezer in this chapter. I am in the process of rewriting most of this, but I'm keeping notes for later amusement.]
Previous: Bad Date
Things their Aunt Fumiyo had said to me way back when, and things she must have deliberately said in my hearing, came back to me in my dreams.
In many parts of my country, no one thinks twice about young children of separate families sleeping or bathing together. Children are children, and exploring is natural. There are still public baths which are not segregated, even for the adults. In the old traditions, we see no problems with that, either.
My dreams shifted, and I saw the four of us playing together again in the Sumaguchi's bath house and attached meditative gardens before retiring to the futons in the sleeping rooms. But the four children playing under Mrs. Sumaguchi's watchful eye now were not the three pre-teen children playing in my memories.
Fumiyo had been deliberately working to bring me under the influence of their family -- into their kumi -- for a long time. It was not yet clear why, but it seemed clear I had been chosen by their family as Teru's o-miai aite early in elementary school.
I assumed Jun didn't see it, but he was helping Fumiyo Sumaguchi's plans when he brought Teru to me for protection.
My dreams shifted again, and Teru was sleeping curled up against me, the scent of her hair in my nostrils, her body warm against mine. It felt like a very real dream, and the way my body was responding was very inconvenient.
Part of me wanted to stay in the dream, but part of me struggled to wake up.
My eyes opened, and I saw my room bathed in the light of the full moon, but I did not see Teru. She was not curled up with me, but she was also not lying across from me on the futon. My body felt cold where the memories of the dream said she had been.
There was no place in the room for her to hide, so I checked the veranda windows. She was out there, standing with her back to me in the moonlight, looking out over the darkened city.
"Something wrong?" My voice felt strange in my ears.
She half-turned, and her silhouette in the moonlight showed me things I had thought I didn't want to see.
"You're awake."
"So are you." I looked away, distracting myself with the clock on the floor. One thirty. I tried getting up, but my legs wouldn't obey my will.
She turned my question back to me. "Are you okay?"
"Not really. Rough dreams. How about you?" I mentally kicked myself for repeating the question.
"I had some dreams, too, dreams that scared me. I think I want to go for a walk."
This time I was able to get my legs underneath me and stand up. I joined her on the veranda and we stood together looking out across the city lights shining in the dark instead of at each other.
I broke the silence. "So, do you want me to go for a walk with you?"
"Better than walking alone. Maybe."
I turned, and she followed me to the entryway without further comment, grabbing her cardkey as we left. We descended the stairs in silence and walked aimlessly for ten or more minutes until we came to a park with a playground.
"I haven't seen this park before." Teru went to the swings and sat in one, kicking herself back. I followed and caught the swing, then gave her a gentle push. She swung away and then back to me and I caught the chains again.
She leaned back into my arms, and we stood there for a moment, giving each other warmth. Then I pulled the swing back again and pushed gently, and she took over, swinging under her own power.
I took the swing beside her, and we raced to see who could get the highest arc, until both of us were flying horizontal at the peaks, synchronized with each other in the moonlight. Then, as if mutually hypnotized, we both left off pushing, letting the swings slow down naturally.
Before the swings stopped, Teru jumped out of hers. "This is not helping me get my balance back."
I used my feet to stop, and stood up too. "Me, neither."
She turned to me. "What are you doing out here in your pajamas?"
I looked down at what I was wearing. "You're right. Let's go back.
We held hands as we walked.
I spoke hesitantly. "I dreamed about when we were young and I would spend the night with you and Jun. But then we weren't children any more in my dreams, and there was a fourth."
"Who was the fourth?"
"I don't remember."
She stopped and leaned back into my arms, shivering. I wrapped both my arms around her and hugged her until the shivering stopped, and we resumed walking.
"And I remembered things that your Aunt Fumiyo said. And things she let us do."
"She's been trying to put us together since we were children, hasn't she?"
"Apparently so."
"Why?"
"Why? indeed." We continued to walk in silence.
As we neared the apartment, Teru spoke. "I dreamed the same things. Then I woke up curled up against you."
I stopped. "That wasn't a dream!"
She came to a stop too, and turned and pulled me to her looking into my eyes with a fierceness that should have scared me, but didn't. "I didn't want to move away. But I could feel your body responding."
"Uhm ..."
"It's only natural." She smiled, and the fierceness changed to tenderness, and the tenderness made my heart pound. "But I know you want to wait. And if I hadn't gone to the veranda, I dont think I could have waited any more."
I didn't know what to say.
"I still want to kiss you, but if I do, ...."
The silence dragged out and I fought my own impulse to close the gap between us.
"If I do, I'm pretty sure you'll have to put me in your family registry."
Finally, there was something for me to say. "We'll both be giving up our right to choose before we make the formal commitments. Dad told me he and Mom made that mistake, and that's what he thinks is driving them apart."
She looked down, deliberately breaking the connection between us. But the connection didn't really break. "In my family, that's the way things have always been done."
"Well, we can't stay out here all night. We both have work today." I was the one who said it, but it was Teru that moved, and we returned to the apartment still holding hands.
We lay down on the futon, carefully replacing the kakebuton between us.
"Are you going to be okay?" Her voice was almost pleading.
"We're going to be okay, but if we don't get back to sleep, I'm afraid we'll be making love even if we don't touch each other."
"I feel like we already are. Can you pray for us?"
Teru's suggestion moved to my knees, and she followed suit, and we both prayed, in words and in our hearts.
[[JMR201910110720: End partial re-write of dream portion.]]
[JMR201910110154: Ryō's psyche seems to have been hijacked by a sixty year-old hyperphilosophical geezer in this chapter. I need to rewrite most of this, but I'm keeping notes for later amusement.]
Previous: Bad Date
Things which their Aunt Fumiyo had said to me, and things she must have taken care to say in my hearing, came back to my mind in my dreams, and calculations in my nether consciousness presented their results to me in difficult metaphor.
In many parts of this country, no one thinks twice about young pre-teen and early teenage children of separate families sleeping or bathing together. Children are children, and learning about the body naturally is learning about the body naturally.
And there are still public baths which are not segregated, even for the adults. What would be the problem? -- in the old tradition.
My dreams shifted, and I saw the three of us playing together in the Sumaguchi's bath house and attached meditative gardens before retiring, without properly dressing, to the futons in the sleeping rooms. But the children playing under Mrs. Sumaguchi's watchful eye in my dreams were not the pre-teen children they had been.
Fumiyo had been deliberately working to bring me under the influence of their family -- into their kumi -- for a long time. Although it was not yet clear why, it seemed clear that I had been marked by their family as Teru's o-miai aite from shortly after the time I started elementary school.
Whether he realized it or not, Jun was helping further Fumiyo Sumaguchi's plans by bringing Teru to me for protection. My dreams shifted, and Teru's immediate presence filled my senses, as if she were sleeping curled up against me, the scent of her hair in my nostrils, the pressure and shape of her body against mine. I knew I was dreaming, but it felt real. And my body was responding in ways that were not convenient. Part of me tried to remain in the dream state, part of me struggled to regain consciousness.
My eyes opened to take in my room bathed in the light of the full moon, and my body felt cold where the memories of her body against mine said she had been in my dreams. I looked for Teru, but not only was she not sleeping curled up against me, neither was she lying on the other side of the kakebuton.
As there was no place in the room for her to hide, my eyes went to the veranda. She was there, looking out over the darkened city, her back silhouetted against the moonlight.
"Something wrong?" My question felt strange.
She half-turned, and her moonlit silhouette showed me things I had been being careful not to see.
"You're awake." She remained half facing away from me.
"So are you." I looked away, at the clock on the floor. One thirty. I tried getting up, but my legs wouldn't obey my will.
She turned my question back to me. "Are you okay?"
"Not really. Difficult dreams. How about you?" I mentally kicked myself for repeating the question.
"Dreams I don't know how to handle, too. I think I need a walk."
This time I was able to gather my legs underneath me and stand. I joined her on the veranda and we stood together, not speaking, looking away across the city lights shining in the dark instead of at each other.
I broke the silence. "Should we go for a walk together?"
"Better than walking alone. I think. Maybe."
She followed me to the entryway without further comment, grabbing her cardkey as we left. We descended the stairs in silence and walked aimlessly for ten minutes until we came to a park with a playground.
"I haven't seen this park before." Teru went to the swings and sat in one. I followed and pulled the swing back a little, then let her swing away from me. She swung back to me and I caught the chains.
She leaned back into my arms, and I pulled her back, ten pushed gently as I released her. I gave her a few more swings until she was moving in a medium arc, and she took over, pushing and pulling the chain herself.
I sat in the swing beside her and started swinging, and we raced to see who get get highest, until both of us were flying horizontal, synchronized in the moonlight. Then, as if mutually hypnotized, we both left off pushing, letting the swings slow down naturally. My swing had more friction and slowed quicker.
Before the swings stopped, Teru jumped out of hers. "This is not helping me get my balance back."
I used my feet to stop, and stood up too. "Me, neither."
She turned to me. "What are you doing out here in your pajamas?"
I looked down at what I was wearing. "You're right. Let's go back.
We held hands as we walked.
I hesitated. "I dreamed about when we were young and I would spend the night with you and Jun. But we weren't children any more in my dreams."
She stopped and leaned back into my arms, nodding worriedly and shivering. I wrapped both my arms around her and hugged her until the shivering stopped, and we resumed walking.
"And I recalled things your aunt Fumiyo said and did."
"She's been trying to put us together since we were children, hasn't she?"
"Apparently so."
"Why?"
"Why, indeed." We continued to walk in silence.
As we neared the apartment, Teru broke the silence.
"I woke up curled up against you."
I stopped. "That wasn't a dream!"
She came to a stop too, and turned and pulled me to her. She looked at me with a fierceness in her eyes that should have scared me. "I really didn't want to move, but your body was responding. If I hadn't gone to the veranda, I think I would have taken you in your sleep."
I didn't know what to say.
"If I kiss you now," she continued, "you'll have to put me in your family registry."
"We'll both be giving up our right to choose before we make the formal commitments. Dad told me he and Mom made that mistake, and that's what he thinks is driving them apart."
She looked down, deliberately breaking the connection between us. But the connection remained. "In my family, that's the way things have always been done."
"Well, we can't stay out here all night. We both have work today." I said it, but it was Teru that moved first, and we returned to the apartment still holding hands.
We lay down on the futon, carefully replacing the kakebuton between us.
"Are you going to be okay?" Her voice was almost pleading.
"We're going to be okay, but if we don't get back to sleep, I'm afraid we'll be making love even if we don't touch each other."
"I feel like we already are. Can you pray for us?"
Teru's suggestion moved to my knees, and she followed suit, and we both prayed, in words and in our hearts.
For the first time in several days, my alarm went off before I woke up. I reached to shut it off, trying to reorient myself from the jumble that we had fallen asleep in, Teru lying across my chest and the partially flattened kakebuton underneath both of us.
Teru rolled off of me and reached my phone first. She handed it to me. "Did we make it through the night alright?"
"I think so." I shut the alarm off, checking my body. "Well, my body did not betray me, if that really matters."
"What do you mean?"
"We have avoided deliberately getting each other excited. That's enough that the devil can't legally tell us we are bad."
She looked at me in confusion.
"Oh, that's bad analysis or bad allegory, or both. Anyway, we aren't physically mated, and we are still trying to give each other room to make decisions."
"That much I can understand. So, should we go to the pond park again today?"
"I need something to work the kinks out, even if you don't."
"I think I do, too."
"Want to try a new route?"
"Got something in mind?"
"Learn some of the roads along the tracks past the mall."
"Okay."
So we ran a different direction, around the mall to the tracks and past the station.
"Your woman on the train ..."
"My woman on the train?"
"I've done one date. It's your turn. I'm ready to meet her now."
"Okay, I'll see what she says."
"Is this a park?"
"Huh? Yeah. Just kids' playground, mostly."
"Exercise stations?" Teru stopped by a situps board.
"And some exercise stations. Want to try it?" I jogged backwards to where she was reading the instructions plaque.
She sat down on the board and swung around, hooking her feet under the foot pegs, then leaned back and did twenty situps. "Feels awkward."
"One size does not fit all."
We traded places, and I leaned back. My head and shoulders hung off the top of the board. "This will be a slightly different exercise for me." But I did twenty myself before we started running again.
"I don't know if I can get through another night like that."
"I've told several people that, if my mom or my sisters were close, they'd let you stay with them. Maybe we should actually ask if they've got room."
"That might work. Maybe we should call them when we get back."
So when we returned to the apartment, I sent them texts via the Line family group:
Ryō: Need to do a conference call.We ate breakfast while waiting.
"You're on the early shift today, right?"
"Regular shift, starting at nine. Early shift starts at 7:30. Don't know if I'll have time to run before early shift when they let me start that."
"No time to make lunch together today," Teru said wistfully.
"Yeah. But we'll have time after work to do something."
"Set your computer up?"
"That'd be useful."
"I can buy something from the sōzai corner for lunch. What do you plan to do?"
"It's my turn to be the lunch taster, so I've got lunch covered."
"Is it good?"
"Generally pretty good, but not really to my taste."
My phone pinged, and I checked it.
Haruo: I've got about thirty minutes I can workThe phone pinged again while I was trying to think where to start for Dad.
with. What's up?
Misachi: I can join the call anytime within theI figured it would be good to make myself explicit.
next hour. Dad, if Ryō says he needs a conference
call, I assume he wants to talk with us all at the
same time.
Ryō: Yeah. And I'm sure I don't trust this toFinishing breakfast, I pulled out my scriptures. "Are you up for some of this?"
text messages.
"I'm not going to be a good listener this morning."
"That's okay. Sometimes I get my best instruction when I read even though I don't feel like listening to the Spirit."
"Okay, I'll try."
"There's this guy named Nicodemus, and he's a rabbi among the Pharisees."
Teru gave me a blank look.
He's like a school master and college president and police officer and priest and judge, all rolled into one. And
My phone pinged again.
Horoyo: I'm here whenever. Now we just needI ignored Mom's intuition and her bait, and initiated the video call session in the group. Mom did accept the connection and the screen divided in four.
Mom. Should I ping her by phone?
Fuyuko: I have a premonition this is a call
I don't want to be in on.
Horoyo: Mom, Ryō is your son.
Fuyuko: I have no son. There was some little
boy ran away to be with God for two years when
I needed him most, but I have no son.
Ryō: I love you, too, Mom. And I need you to
be in on this call, even though I'm sure
you'll think you didn't want to be.
Fuyuko: Hmph. I assume her name starts with
Teh.
Teru moved to sit beside me, so she would be in the camera range.
"Hi."
"Oh, Teru, it's so nice to see you." For some reason, my mother's voice did not betray the cattiness I expected. "Awfully early in the morning, though." The words could well be catty, but the tone was not.
"Nice to see you, too, Mom. Nice to see all of you."
"So, Ryō, you move to the city and spend the spring dating your nemesis?"
"Dad, just shut up and listen to your son." Horoyo took my side.
Misachi chose an inappropriate time to tease. "And to your daughter-in-law." Maybe she knew she wasn't teasing.
"Have you betrayed your covenants to God?"
"Haruo, just shut up." Even with the warning, my mother's sharpness took me by surprise.
"Angel got a new boyfriend who would not keep his hands off me. Jun brought me here because he knew Ryō would take care of me."
"Ryō still needs his freedom."
"So does she, Haruo."
My father's expression visibly darkened at my mother's words.
"So do I, Dad. We knew staying together is not going to work, but I need a place to stay so I can finish high school."
Dad's expression loosened and lightened.
"That's, true, Teru. You needed a place to stay a long time ago. Both you and Jun. I should have offered."
Mom and both of my sisters were as surprised as I at Dad's words.
"It's okay, Dad, it really wasn't own place to ask."
"It wasn't your place, it was mine. I'm sorry." Dad's face suddenly crumpled. "I've been arguing with God about this for too long. I'm really sorry. Unfortunately, I can't offer you a place now."
"I'm staying with my parents, and I'm not sure it would be wise to have you come here, honey, but I'll talk it over with them." Mom's face was a mask of concern.
"Teru, you know we'd love to have you, but I don't think having you sleep with the boys would be good." Horoyo's two oldest were boys. "The baby sleeps with us, and that's all the rooms we have."
Misachi looked pained. "Tomu and I only have one room and the kitchen. It's not much bigger than what you have with Ryō."
"Well, anyway, I'm talking with the congregation leader here. Teru's coming to church tomorrow. Hopefully we'll find something. Just knowing you guys know what's going on will help."
"Teru, please don't judge me wrong for this, but, Ryō, there's a woman there you need to meet."
"I understand, Dad."
"We understand. We are trying to keep things open so that, if we are both still free when Teru graduates from high school, we can get together of our own free will."
Dad looked down. "Well, now I feel like a heel for interfering, but her name is Fumie Masamichi. I understand she attends a congregation near there." He looked back at the camera with a bit of a helpless expression. "From what I've heard about her, you would understand each other implicitly."
"Starting with the same opinions, Dad, is not always the best course." Horoyo came to Teru's defense.
"I think I've met her, Dad."
"If it's the woman Ryō has been talking to on the train, I'll meet her soon, too."
"Teru, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'd almost tell you to just take my son now, but I guess that wouldn't help."
"Mom!" My sisters were practically in unison in their objection.
"I'm not sure I disagree with Fuyuko about this."
How silence across a conference call line can be deafening, I'm not sure, but none of us could speak for a moment.
"She did say almost."
"I did. Go meet this Fumie and trust God."
"Thank you guys. No matter which directions things go, having you guys as a proxy for the family we don't have really helps me. Jun feels the same way.
After we cut the connection, I wrote some scripture references down for Teru and ran for the train.
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