Chapter 11.2: Headwinds -- Differences
Chapter 11.3: Headwinds -- Church
[JMR202004022211 -- major edits:]
The whole Cisneros family met me on Sunday morning, and I got to meet Julia's younger brothers and sisters before we walked together to their church.
Their pastor was greeting members as they came in. As we approached the door, he reached out to shake my hand. "Good morning, Brother."
"Reverend Johansen, this is my friend from college, Joe Reeves."
I sensed a stiffness in the reverend's nod, but he smiled warmly. "Welcome, Joe. Take some time and let people say hello, if you would?"
"Thank you, Reverend Johansen. I guess I can do that."
We entered the sanctuary to the strains of prelude music and greeted more of their congregation as we moved toward the front.
There were some people I recognized from high school, and their reactions varied from welcoming to amusement to veiled hostility. Reverend Johansen made his way to the rostrum, and we found sets near the front.
"He's heard of me, I suppose?"
"The reverend? I've mentioned both you and your dad to him. Why do you ask?"
"His reaction when he heard my name."
"I guess I missed it."
I decided not to explain, and not to mention the various reactions I had felt. I looked around the sanctuary behind us again. It's a habit from when I was a teenager.
"George."
Julia followed my gaze. "And Pat. And Mike. I think it's been at least a couple of years since Mike came."
The three were sitting together. Pat gave us a little wave, and we raised our hands unobtrusively in reply.
We sang a hymn I didn't recall having heard to open with, then there were some announcements, a prayer, and more hymns, two of which I knew, but with some different words, and then Reverend Johansen stood up for the sermon.
I have taken as my topic this morning, Proverbs 22 verse 6.He looked from Julia's father to Julia, then to me. I nodded.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
For several minutes he talked about the importance of the family and of studying the gospel as a family, drawing on various scriptures to support his text. I was thinking that this could well be a bishop or high councilor speaking in one of my own meetings.
Then he adjusted his tack.
Now, if, as I have proved from the scriptures, it is essential for the gospel to be taught in the home, it is essential that the parents be united in their teaching. I want to approach this particular subject with caution, but with boldness.Julia drew a sharp breath and reached for my hand. I took hers in mine and gave it a squeeze. I leaned over and whispered to her. "This is something we might need to discuss at some point."
We have faithful part-member families with us, and I do not wish to take away from the sacrifices and efforts of our good brothers and sisters in those families. But, when we consider starting a family, it is important to carry in our considerations a consciousness of the significant additional burdens that are occasioned by differences in religion.
She bit her lip and looked down and squeezed my hand back.
Julia's parents did not react.
Sometimes, in my zeal against false doctrines, I have mentioned with special emphasis the doctrines of certain religions which are considered by some to be cultic, such as having more than one wife, or spurious ordinances in idolatrous temples, or the arrogance to entertain the idea that mere humans could ever become equal with God.Julia's shoulders slumped, and her face fell. Her father's expression grew sharp, and her mother's pensive.
I reached an arm around Julia's shoulders and gave her a hug while I prayed in my heart.
The reverend paused. I could not tell whether he was considering his tactics or not. Then he continued.
Perhaps it is not right to tell a man what he ought to believe and what he ought not, but there are doctrines that cannot be mixed within a family to good results, and I strongly urge anyone considering marriage to carefully consider the results of mixing such doctrines in their future children's minds, if not in their own.He paused again, not looking at anyone in particular.
I felt the spirit in the meetinghouse palpably darken.
Julia looked away from me and stood up, turning towards the aisle. I stood with her, and her parents moved their knees sideways to let us pass.
Pat stood to meet us, but Julia shook her head and passed by. I nodded to the three of them as I followed her, thinking the word "patience" to them, and Pat remained standing, watching us leave.
I caught up with Julia at the door and the ushers opened the doors.
We walked into the foyer together, and Julia turned and buried her face in my chest. "Not now," her voice was muffled by my sweater. "Not now."
I wrapped my arms around her and we stood together for a moment, then she turned toward the doors outside and we walked out together.
"Clouds. Was there a forecast for rain?"
Julia looked up. "They don't look like rain clouds." She started walking towards the nearby park, still brown and dry for the end of winter.
I followed her, and we walked together until we got to Prairie Dog Pete Park, the children's park within the park. We climbed together up into the UFO and sat with our legs dangling over the edge of the inner walkway, Julia's skirts billowing around her ankles in the breeze.
That UFO was taken down some twenty years ago, replaced with something conventional and safe. Well, maybe safer.
"Well, I guess that solves my problem. If I can't trust the preacher, I think I'm free to join your church."
"Actions taken in anger do not lead to salvation."
Julia looked at me in surprise, and I reached out and took her hand in mine.
"He isn't exactly wrong, you know. If we start dating seriously, we'll need to work on some common basis about religion."
"But I can't believe you and your dad are members of some devil-worshiping cult."
"We aren't, but members of any church can sometimes wander into worshiping the wrong things. We ourselves do not currently practice plural marriage, and the practice tends to evil, unless it is specifically directed by God. It's a hard enough thing when God commands it."
She gave me a double-take.
"My great-grandparents. I've read a bit in their journals."
"Then it really happened."
"Yes. I believe God commanded it for His own purposes, and I also believe He commanded us to stop it."
"Why?"
"One of my great grandfathers lost his first wife and their baby when the birth did not go well. His second wife was in poor health, and could not have children. There was a woman from Sweden with six children, who lost her husband on their way to Utah, and he married her. There was always some jealousy between the second and third wife, and some disagreement among the children about rights of descent."
She shivered and retrieved her hand and started down, and I followed her back to the sandpit, where I removed my coat and wrapped it around her shoulders before we continued wandering around the playground area. We climbed up on the giant octopus's legs, being careful of our Sunday clothes, and she sat on one leg while I leaned against its head.
She looked at me quizzically. "Was polygamy about taking care of widows, then?"
"Not always. It was one of the means of taking care of widows mentioned in the Bible. It's a bit hard to understand now, but, in the better cases, it was about giving women options in a time when they didn't have many. But some of our men made it a matter of pride. And some of the women among us, as well."
"What does the Bible say about it?"
"The Law of Moses recommended that the brother of a dead man take care of his widow and her children by polygamous marriage. The New Testament strongly suggests that bishops should be monogamous. Going a bit further back, Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to give him children when she couldn't."
"So, in Hagar's case, surrogacy, but by natural means?"
"Well, yeah. Jacob, on the other hand, was deceived by Laban, who wanted a good, hard working son-in-law to work his sheep ranch for him. And then Rachel couldn't have children at first."
"I guess I never really thought seriously about those stories."
"The Bible doesn't blanket condemn or endorse polygamy."
She stood up and climbed off the leg, and we walked around the bicycle path to the pirate's ship. It needed a coat of paint, so we didn't climb up on the deck.
She stared at the rusty mast. "So what about your temples?"
"Do your parents think they'll continue to be together after they die?"
"I don't know."
"Many religious families think so, but the doctrines of most churches say we won't."
"Being able to be together does sound better."
"It is, if we are really together in this life."
We walked away from the ship and wandered around to the big concrete Swiss cheese, and I climbed to the flat upper surface and turned and gave her a hand up.
That Swiss cheese was also taken down in the safety renovations.
She leaned against me, looking back at her church, some half a mile away.
"But how do we find each other on the other side of the veil?" I asked quietly.
She took a little time to answer. "That's something I've never thought about."
"In our temples, we perform ordinances which allow us to find each other and be together as families after we die. If we choose."
"Reverend Johansen and many other Church leaders say the ceremonies are pagan worship practices."
"Actually, the ordinances themselves are very simple. Do you agree to worship God? Do you agree to let Jesus Christ lead you away from sin, individually, and together? Do you commit to fidelity to your spouse and to God?"
She ducked her head and pulled my arms around her.
"There is some symbolism that requires prayer and study to understand, and some people misunderstand it."
She squeezed her lips together in thought, still not looking at me, then asked, "As in?"
"Well, there are promises we make which are a bit difficult to accept for some people. Various opinions about how to understand them exist. We aren't supposed to talk about them because talking about them outside the temples leads to misunderstanding."
"Talking about things usually helps."
I opened my mouth, then thought a little more before replying. "I'm not sure I could even agree that it usually helps, unless we can assume that everyone talking is looking for a solution."
"Don't most people want solutions?"
"Not if they think it's going to cost them."
She had to think about that. "I guess that's true." She looked up at the sky again. "Definitely not rain clouds."
I looked up, too. "Scattered clouds. Too high for rain."
We separated and stood silently for a minute.
"Those clouds are actually moving pretty fast."
"Strong winds up there."
"And down here." She shivered again, and we turned back towards the church.
"In this case, however, there's a bit more than just whether everyone is looking for solutions. We are supposed to learn what these things mean from God, not from fallible humans."
She shook her head. "How can that be? How can you learn without a teacher?"
"God is our teacher."
"But that's personal revelation. No scripture is of private interpretation."
"I don't just mean members of my Church when I say 'our'. I mean me, you, my parents and friends and yours, too. And Reverend Johansen. Without personal revelation, all human interpretations are private from God."
She stopped. "You're twisting words."
"Do you know God loves you, and wants you to be happy?"
She had to think about that. "I think so."
"If we trust God, He will give us understanding. If we don't, we tend to turn his promises inside-out, then upside-down trying to get them back to right, and then we think we understand when we completely miss the point. That's private interpretation."
"Can you give me an example?" She started forward again, and we walked side-by-side.
"Faith and works. James mentions the argument between faith and works, and then resolves it. Faith without works is as dead as works without faith."
"True, but I mean from your temple."
"Not from the actual ordinances of the temple, but maybe an allegory."
"Okay." She stopped again, and I turned back toward her. Her expression said anything but okay.
I prayed, and the Spirit let me proceed.
"Many people, even after they are cautioned, just don't listen carefully. There's a particular misunderstanding about something some people call a blood oath."
"I remember he mentioned blood oaths."
"There is a confusion over the meanings of words, I think, even among some of us. For instance, if a baseball coach threatens the players and makes them swear they will hit a home run or let the coach beat them with a baseball bat, that's bad, right?"
"No way that would be right."
"But if a coach urges the players to stand in the batter's box with courage, and not let the catcher's threats to beat them with a baseball bat after the game deter them from getting good hits on any balls they can, that's still not easy, but it's different, right?"
"Surely catchers don't really do that?"
"Umpires are supposed to stop catchers when they say things like that, but they don't always hear. And catchers are usually just trying to break the batters' concentration, but there have been occasions of post-game violence."
"And you're saying that the thing that Reverend Johansen called a blood oath is like your second example, I guess?"
"That's the way I hear it."
"Still pretty tough." She shivered in the wind again, and I wrapped my arms around her and we turned back toward her church. She reached up and held my hand on her shoulder. "I guess that's why you didn't get upset back there in the meeting. You understand why people can misunderstand."
"Yeah, partly. I think he's a good man, really. Just misinformed."
"What about the becoming equal with God thing? If I became a Mormon, could I be a Goddess?"
I laughed and gave her a sideways hug. "You already are."
"Be serious."
"I am. But, okay, aside from your being one very good-looking woman and a really pleasant person to hang around with, you are a child of God."
"Is that really Biblical, the child of God thing?"
"I can show you later, but there's a Psalm where God stands in the congregation of the mighty, judging among the gods. That's lower-case 'g', by the way. And God says, 'I have said ye are gods, all of you are children of the most High.' Eighty-second Psalm.
(This guy has a better memory than I have, too. I'd have had to dig in the Topical Guide.)
"I'm not sure what that means."
"It could definitely mean many things, but Jesus quoted it when some of the Jews were ready to stone Him for admitting He was the Son of God. And then He said, if David said they were gods, children of God, and the scripture couldn't be broken, then what complaint would there be if Jesus were also? The best argument I've heard against this interpretation is that Jesus was playing word games with them, but I don't think He played that kind of word game. That's in John ten, starting around verse twenty-four.
(Definitely got a better memory.)
"I want to see that."
"I left my scriptures on the pew. But that doesn't really answer Reverend Johansen's charge. Some of us do make it a matter of pride and power, rather than the duty it is to learn how to be more like our kind and loving Heavenly Father, and that is not an attitude that will save anyone."
"So, the doctrine isn't what he claims it is, but some of your members treat it like it is?"
"Unfortunately. It's definitely a place where it's easy to miss the mark."
"Okay, I guess I can really see now why you didn't get upset."
"Thanks."
She turned to me, taking both my hands. "But I want to know something."
"What's that?"
"Is there any chance for you and me? I mean, you could have kissed me last night while we were listening to music, or ..."
"What do you think God wants?"
"I think He, ... I don't know."
"Is He leading us to be friends?"
"Yes."
"Then let's trust Him to lead us where we should go next."
"You're not going to kiss me now, either."
"Your choice."
We looked deep into each other's eyes, and then she nodded.
"Not yet, anyway. Let's get back. I want you to tell all this to Reverend Johansen.
"Well, if he's interested. He may have heard it all before."
On our return, Julia's parents met us in front of the church.
Her mother took her in her arms. "Are you okay, Hon?"
"Definitely, Mom. Joe's been busy helping me understand what Reverend Johansen was saying."
Her dad wrinkled his forehead and looked sharply at me. "Where do you stand on the subject?"
"I want Julia to be happy, and I don't want her to make any hasty decisions for my sake."
His expression cleared and he cuffed me on the shoulder. "Good boy."
I avoided rolling my eyes, and grinned back.
Pat, Mike, and George came out.
"There you are! Aren't you mad?"
"No, I'm not. Not anymore." Julia ducked her head. "Let's go to Sunday School."
Reverend Johansen came up from behind us and clapped me on the shoulder. "Son, could I have a word with you and Julia?"
Julia turned back and gave him a confident smile. "Could we do it after Sunday School?"
The reverend looked a little confused. "Of course."
He came with us to the class. Pat, George, and Mike were also there. I refrained from comments, except on points where I knew our doctrines agreed and we could share testimony. The reverend seemed rather impressed with my knowledge of the Bible on several points. I might even have heard him muttering to himself, "... for a Mormon."
After Sunday School, we talked with him in his office. At Julia's insistence, I rehearsed what I had told her about the doctrines he had taken issue with, this time taking time to find verses in question in my scriptures, including the relevant scriptures from the uniquely LDS canon. With help from unseen sources, we were all able to avoid arguing.
After considerable discussion, Reverend Johansen looked at me sternly and asked, "So what do you yourself think of these doctrines?"
"For now, I'm trying to learn to walk a godly walk, sir, trying to learn how to be guided by the Holy Spirit more than unholy spirits."
"How many wives do you plan to take in the resurrection?"
"If I can learn how to live well with one wife here, it will be an honor if she will still be friends with me there."
"What about Julia?"
"She and I seem to both be simply following where the Holy Spirit leads us."
Julia added, "Just reminding you, this guy treats me a lot better than some of the members of our congregation."
The reverend smiled a wry smile. "I have seen that you have been careful to confirm the faith of the members of my congregation, rather than press a Mormon agenda. You are welcome to continue to do so. And I think I am glad to find a friend among those whom I had so long considered to be enemies."
"I am, as well, sir, glad to find friends here."
(I can only wish the real me had been this spiritually guided.)
*****
I had lunch with Julia and her family, and the food and conversation were enjoyable. She accompanied me to my meetings in the afternoon.
"Well, if Mary doesn't have a friend today!"
"Good afternoon, Sister Patton."
"Mo-om, be nice!" Molly Patton Simmons approached quickly, Gary Simmons in tow. Gary was carrying their baby in his arms. Gary suddenly stopped.
I felt Julia do a double-take.
"Julia Cisneros?"
"Gary. It's nice to see you. Joe, Gary is a former member of our congregation."
He grinned. "Well, I hope you're letting Joe teach you the truth. By the way, meet little Gary."
I looked to Julia and we wordlessly agreed to let his comment about teaching go unanswered.
I grinned. "I hadn't realized I would be visiting your old stomping grounds this morning, Gary."
"Maybe Molly and little Gary and I should go visit sometime."
"I know," Julia said quietly, "some people who would appreciate it, including Reverend Johansen."
"So you're friends?" Sister Patton looked back and forth. "And I guess Julia is a Baptist?"
"That's a good guess, Mom," Gary grinned with a nod.
I chuckled quietly. "How's the electrical business?"
Brother Patton was an electrician, and he and his wife and children operated an electrical services business.
"It's good," Gary answered. "Say, I've heard something about you building computers."
We spent a few minutes talking shop until Gary and Molly's baby interrupted. Gary checked his diaper and wrinkled his nose, looking at Molly.
"He's in your arms, Honey."
"Come help me with this, Sweetheart."
And they headed to the mothers' room to change his diaper.
"Well, Julia, is it? I hope you enjoy our meetings today."
"I expect I will."
"It was nice to meet you. I need to go prepare for Relief Society." Sister Patton nodded pleasantly and left.
"Relief Society. You mentioned that to me on the drive over."
"The women's meeting."
"Will your mom be there, too? I do not want Gary's mother-in-law to be my only friend there."
"I think she's planning on it. I'll ask her to." I looked at her quizzically.
She looked back at me, just as quizzically. "You really don't understand what just happened, do you?"
I shrugged. "There are some things I have always thought it was safer not to understand."
She gave me a dirty look. "Maybe I a really am glad I didn't know you when you were younger." Then she grinned and nudged my with her elbow, and we went into the chapel.
Julia sat with Giselle and my parents and me through the Sacrament meeting, joining in the singing and listening to the talks, quietly asking me questions from time to time. Then she came to the young single adult Sunday School class and enjoyed the discussion. My mom took her to Relief Society and, afterwards, she reported to me that she had a good time there, as well. And that her concerns about Sister Patton hadn't been necessary.
"But you really seem to be a cipher to most of the members of your own congregation."
I nodded. "I never felt like I belonged anywhere until I went to Japan. When I came home, God challenged me to try to fit in to American culture, and I am trying to do so."
After meetings, Julia came over for dinner with my family, and then Giselle joined us when we went to the young adult family home evening.
In the car on the way to her house, she said she was a little disappointed that the young single adults in my congregation seemed to still be hunting for things they had already found. I agreed. Giselle thought about it before agreeing, as well.
At her doorstep, we parted with a hug.
[JMR202004022211 -- major edits:]
[JMR202003241135 -- edits:]
The whole Cisneros family met me on Sunday morning, and I got to meet Julia's younger brothers and sisters before we walked together to their church.
Their pastor was greeting members as they came in. As we approached the door, he reached out to shake my hand. "Good morning, Brother."
Julia introduced me, "Reverend Johansen, this is my friend from college, Joe Reeves."
I sensed a stiffness in the reverend's nod, but he smiled. "Welcome, Joe."
"Thank you, Reverend Johansen."
We entered and greeted more of their friends as we moved into the chapel and sat down at a pew near the front.
I looked around the chapel, to see if I recognized anyone. "George."
Julia followed my gaze. "And Pat. And Mike. How many years has it been since Mike came?"
The three were sitting together. Pat waved, and we waved back.
We sang a hymn I was not familiar with to open with, then there were some announcements, a prayer, and another hymn that I knew, but with some different words, and then Reverend Johansen stood up for the sermon.
I have taken as my thesis this morning, Proverbs 22 verse six.He looked from Julia's father to Julia, then to me. I nodded.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
For several minutes he talked about the importance of the family and of studying the gospel as a family, drawing on various scriptures to support his text. I was thinking that this could well be a bishop or high councilor speaking in one of my own meetings.
Now, if, I as have proved from the scriptures, it is essential for the gospel to be taught in the home, it is essential that the parents be united in their teaching. I want to approach this particular subject with caution, but with boldness.Julia drew a sharp breath and reached for my hand. I took hers in mine and gave it a squeeze. I leaned over and whispered to her. "This is, in fact, something we might need to discuss at some point."
We have faithful part-member families with us, and I do not wish to take away from the sacrifices and efforts of our good brothers and sisters in those families. But, when we consider starting a family, it is important to carry in our considerations a consciousness of the significant additional burdens that are occasioned by differences in religion.
Julia's parents did not react.
Sometimes, in my zeal against false doctrines, I have mentioned with special emphasis the doctrines of certain religions which are considered by some to be cultic, such as having more than one wife, or spurious ordinances in idolatrous temples, or the arrogance to entertain the idea that mere humans could ever become equal with God.Julia's shoulders dropped, and her face fell. Her father's expression grew sharp, and her mother's pensive.
I reached around Julia's shoulders and gave her a hug while I prayed in my heart.
The reverend paused. I could not tell whether he was considering his tactics or not. He continued.
Perhaps it is not right to tell a man what he ought to believe and what he ought not, but there are doctrines that cannot be mixed within a family to good results, and I strongly urge anyone considering marriage to carefully consider the results of mixing such doctrines in their future children's minds, if not in their own.He paused again, not looking at anyone in particular.
I felt the spirit in the meetinghouse palpably darken.
Julia looked down and stood up, turning towards the isle. I stood with her, and her parents moved their knees sideways to let us pass.
Pat stood to meet us, but Julia shook her head and passed by. I nodded to the three of them as I followed her, thinking the word "patience" to them, and Pat remained standing, watching us leave.
I caught up with Julia at the door and the ushers opened the doors.
We walked into the foyer together, and Julia turned and buried her face in my chest. "Not now," her voice was muffled by my sweater. "Not now."
I wrapped my arms around her and we stood together for a moment, then she turned turned the doors outside and we walked out together.
"Clouds. Was there a forecast for rain?"
Julia looked up. "They don't look like rain clouds." She started walking towards the nearby park, still brown and dry for the end of winter.
I followed her.
"Well, I guess that solves my problem. If I can't trust the preacher, I'd say I'm free to join your church."
"Actions taken in anger do not lead to salvation."
Julia looked back at me in surprise, and I took an extra stride to catch up and take her hand.
"He isn't completely wrong, you know. We ourselves do not currently practice plural marriage, and the practice tends to evil, unless it is specifically directed by God. It's a hard enough thing when God commands it."
She looked at me, startled.
"My great-grandparents. I've read a bit in their journals."
"Then it really happened."
"Yes. I believe God commanded it for His own purposes, and I also believe He commanded us to stop it."
"Why?"
"One of my great grandfathers lost his first wife and their first baby when the birth did not go well. His second wife was in poor health, and could not have children. There was a woman from Sweden with six children, who lost her husband on their way to Utah, and he married her. There was always some jealousy between the second and third wife, and some disagreement among the children about rights of decent."
She looked at me quizzically. "Then, polygamy was about taking care of widows?"
"Not always. It was one of the means of taking care of widows mentioned in the Bible. It's a bit hard to understand now, but, in the better cases, it was about giving women options in a time when they didn't have many. But some of our men made it a matter of pride. And some of our women, as well."
"What does the Bible say about it?"
"The Law of Moses suggested that the brother of a dead man take care of his widow and her children by polygamous marriage. The New Testament strongly suggests that bishops should be monogamous. Going a bit further back, Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to give him children when she couldn't."
"Surrogacy, but by natural means?"
"Well, yeah. Jacob, on the other hand, was deceived by Laban, who wanted a good, hard working son-in-law to work his sheep ranch for him. And then Rachel couldn't have children at first."
"I guess I never really thought seriously about those stories. What about your temples?"
"Do your parents think they'll continue to be together after they die?"
"I don't know."
"Many religious families think so, but the doctrines of most churches say we won't."
"Being able to be together sounds better."
"It is, if we are really together in this life. But how do we find each other on the other side of the veil?"
"That's something I've never thought about."
"In our temples, we perform ordinances which allow us to find each other and be together as families after we die."
"Reverend Johansen says they are pagan."
"Actually, the ordinances themselves are very simple, nothing anyone would consider pagan. The promises we make are a bit difficult to accept for some people. Various opinions about how to understand them exist. We aren't supposed to talk about them because talking about them leads to misunderstanding."
"Talking about things usually helps."
"In this case, we are supposed to learn to rely on God, and not on humans."
She shook her head. "How can that be?"
"Do you know God loves you, and wants you to be happy?"
She had to think about that. "I think so."
"If we trust God, there is no misunderstanding. If we don't, we tend to turn those promises inside-out and upside-down, and then we think it's back the way it's supposed to be, but it isn't."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Not from the actual ordinances, but maybe an allegory."
"Okay." Her expression said anything but okay, however. I prayed, and the Spirit let me proceed.
"Many people, even after they are cautioned, just don't listen carefully. There's a particular misunderstanding about something some people call a blood oath."
"I remember he mentioned that."
"Confusion over the meanings of words, I think. For instance, if a baseball coach threatens the players and makes them swear they will hit a home run or let the coach beat them with a baseball bat, that's bad, right?"
"No way that would be right."
"But if a coach urges the players to stand in the batter's box with courage, and not let the catcher's threats to beat them with a baseball bat after the game deter them from getting good hits on any balls they can, that's still not easy, but it's different, right?"
"Surely catchers don't really mean it?"
"Umpires are supposed to stop catchers when they say things like that, but they don't always hear. And catchers are usually just trying to break the batters' concentration, but there have been occasions of post-game violence."
"And you're saying that the thing that Reverend Johansen has called a blood oath is more like your second allegory, I guess?"
"As I understand it."
"Still pretty tough. I guess that's why you didn't get mad back there in the meeting, though."
"Yeah, partly. I think he's a good man, really. Just misinformed."
"What about the becoming equal with God thing? If I became a Mormon, could I be a Goddess?"
I laughed and gave her a sideways hug. "You already are."
"Be serious."
"I am. But, okay, aside from your being one very good-looking woman and a really pleasant person to hang around with, you are a child of God."
"Is that really Biblical?"
"I can show you later, but there's a Psalm where God stands in the congregation of the mighty, judging among the gods. That's lower-case 'g', by the way. And God says, 'I have said ye are gods, all of you are children of the most High.'"
(Psalm 82.)
"I'm not sure what that means."
"It could definitely mean many things, but Jesus quoted it when some of the Jews were ready to stone Him for admitting He was the Son of God. And then He said, if David said they were gods, children of God, and the scripture couldn't be broken, then what complaint would there be if Jesus were also? The best argument I've heard against this is that Jesus was playing word games with them, but I don't think He played that kind of word game."
(John 10, verses 24 to 40.)
"I want to see that."
"I left my scriptures on the pew. But that doesn't really answer Reverend Johansen's charge. Some of us do make it a matter of pride, rather than a duty to learn how to be more like God, and that is not an attitude that will save anyone."
"So, the doctrine isn't what he claims it is, but some of your members treat it like it is?"
"Unfortunately."
"Okay, I guess I can really see now why you didn't get upset."
"Thanks."
She stopped and turned to me, taking both my hands. "But I want to know something."
"What's that?"
"Is there any chance for you and me? I mean, you could have kissed me last night while we were listening to music, or ..."
"What do you think God wants?"
"I think He, ... I don't know."
"Is He leading us to be friends?"
"Yes."
"Then let's trust Him to lead us where we should go next."
"You're not going to kiss me now, either."
"Your choice."
We looked deep into each other's eyes, and then she nodded.
"Not yet, anyway. Let's go back. I want you to tell all this to Reverend Johansen.
"Well, if he's interested. He may have heard it all before."
On our return, Julia's parents met us in front of the church.
Her mother took her in her arms. "Are you okay, Hon?"
"Definitely, Mom. Joe's been busy helping me understand what Reverend Johansen was saying."
Her dad wrinkled his forehead and looked sharply at me. "Where do you stand on the subject?"
"I want Julia to be happy, and I don't want her to make any hasty decisions for my sake."
His expression cleared and he cuffed me on the shoulder. "Good boy."
I avoided rolling my eyes, and grinned back.
Pat, Mike, and George came out.
"There you are! Aren't you mad?"
"No, I'm not. Not anymore." Julia ducked her head. "Let's go to communion."
"I'll wait in the foyer," I said.
Julia smiled a sad smile at me, while her friends looked at me in confusion.
"Go ahead, I have my own communion this afternoon."
Reverend Johansen came up from behind us and clapped me on the shoulder. "Son, could I have a word with you and Julia after communion?"
Julia turned back and gave him a smile. "Could we do it after Bible study?"
The reverend looked a little confused. "Of course."
While I waited, I talked with some of the members who apparently did not consider themselves in good enough grace for communion, avoiding contentious subjects, focusing on agreement, letting them tell me about themselves.
Then Julia and her friends came back and we went to their Bible study class. I kept my comments as clear of controversial doctrine as I could, but contributed to the discussion as I was led.
Reverend Johansen also joined the class, and seemed rather impressed with my knowledge of the Bible. I might have heard him mutter, "... for a Mormon."
After their Bible study, we talked with him in his office. At Julia's insistence, I rehearsed what I had told her about the doctrines he had taken issue with, this time taking time to find the verses in question and relevant scriptures from the peculiarly LDS canon. With help from unseen sources, we were all able to avoid arguing.
After considerable discussion, Reverend Johansen looked at me sternly and asked, "So what do you yourself think of these doctrines?"
"For now, I'm trying to learn to walk a godly walk, sir, trying to learn how to be guided by the Holy Spirit more than unholy spirits."
"How many wives do you plan to take in the resurrection?"
"If I can learn how to live well with one wife here, it will be an honor if she will still be friends with me there."
"What about Julia?"
"She and I seem to both be simply following where the Holy Spirit leads us."
Julia added, "Just reminding you, this guy treats me a lot better than some of the members of our congregation."
The reverend smiled a wry smile. "I see that you have been careful to confirm the faith of the members of my congregation. You are welcome to continue to do so. I think I am glad to find a friend among those whom I had so long considered to be enemies."
"I am, as well, sir, glad to find friends here."
*****
I had lunch with Julia and her family, and she accompanied me to my meetings in the afternoon.
"Well, if Mary doesn't have a friend today!"
"Good afternoon, Sister Patton."
"Mo-om!" Molly Patton Simmons approached quickly, Gary Simmons in tow. Gary was carrying their baby in his arms. Gary suddenly stopped.
I felt Julia do a double-take.
"Julia Cisneros?"
"Gary. It's nice to see you. Joe, Gary is a former member of our congregation."
He grinned. "Well, I hope you're letting Joe teach you the truth. By the way, meet little Gary."
I looked to Julia and we wordlessly agreed to let his comment about truth go unanswered.
I grinned. "I hadn't realized I would be visiting your old stomping grounds this morning, Gary."
"Maybe Molly and little Gary and I should go visit sometime."
"I know," Julia said quietly, "some people would appreciate it, including Reverend Johansen."
"So you're friends?" Sister Patton looked back and forth. "And I guess Julia is a Baptist?"
"That would be a good guess." I chuckled quietly. "How's the electrical business?"
Brother Patton was an electrician, and he and his wife and children operated an electrical services business.
"It's good," Gary answered. "Say, I've heard something about you building computers."
We spent a few minutes talking shop until Gary and Molly's baby interrupted. Gary checked his diaper and wrinkled his nose.
"He's in your arms, Honey."
"Come help me with this, Sweetheart."
And they left to find an empty classroom to change his diaper.
"Well, Julia, is it? I hope you enjoy our meetings today."
"I expect I will."
"It was nice to meet you. I need to go prepare for Relief Society." Sister Patton nodded pleasantly and left.
"Relief Society. You mentioned that to me on the drive over."
"The women's meeting."
"Will your mom be there, too? I do not want Gary's mother-in-law to be my only friend there."
"I think she's planning on it. I'll ask her to." I looked at her quizzically.
She looked back at me, just as quizzically. "You really don't understand what happened back there, do you?"
I shrugged. "There are some things it has always been safer not to understand."
She gave me a dirty look. "Maybe I'm just as glad I didn't know you when you were younger."
Julia sat patiently with Giselle and my parents and me through the Sacrament meeting, joining in the singing and listening to the talks, quietly asking me questions from time to time. Then she came to the young single adult Sunday School class and enjoyed the discussion. My mom took her to Relief Society and she reported to me that she had a good time there, as well. And that her concerns about Sister Patton hadn't been necessary.
"You really seem to be a cipher to most of the members of your own congregation."
I nodded. "I never felt understood until I went to Japan. When I came home, God challenged me to try to fit in to American culture, and I am trying to do so."
After meetings, Julia came over for dinner with my family, and then Giselle joined us when we went to the young adult family home evening.
In the car and the way to her house, she said she was a little disappointed that the young single adults in my congregation seemed to be hunting for things they had already found.
At her doorstep, we parted with a hug.
[JMR202003241135 -- edits.]
[JMR20200322 -- original published:]
The whole Cisneros family met me on Sunday morning, and I got to meet Julia's younger brothers and sisters before we walked together to their church.
Their pastor was greeting members as they came in. As we approached the door, he reached out to shake my hand. "Good morning, Brother."
Julia introduced me, "Reverend Johansen, this is my friend from college, Joe Reeves."
I sensed a stiffness in the reverend's nod, but he smiled. "Welcome, Joe."
"Thank you, Reverend Johansen."
We entered and greeted more of their friends as we moved into the chapel and sat down at a pew near the front.
I turned to see if I recognized anyone. "George."
Julia followed my gaze. "And Pat. And Mike. How many years has it been since Mike came?"
The three sat down together. Pat waved, and we waved back.
We sang a hymn I was not familiar with to open with, there were some announcements, a prayer, and another hymn that I knew, but with some different words, then Reverend Johansen stood up for the sermon.
I have taken as my thesis this morning, Proverbs 22 verse six.He looked from Julia's father to Julia, then to me. I nodded.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
For several minutes he talked about the importance of the family and of studying the gospel as a family, drawing on various scriptures to support his text. I was thinking that this could well be a bishop or high councilor speaking in one of my own meetings.
Now, if, I as have proved from the scriptures, it is essential for the gospel to be taught in the home, it is essential that the parents be united in their teaching. I want to approach this particular subject with caution, but with boldness.Julia drew a sharp breath and reached for my hand. I took hers in mine and gave it a squeeze. I leaned over and whispered to her. "This is, in fact, something we might need to discuss at some point."
We have faithful part-member families with us, and I do not wish to take away from the sacrifices and efforts of our good brothers and sisters in those families. But, when we consider starting a family, it is important to carry in our considerations a consciousness of the significant additional burdens that are occasioned by differences in religion.
Julia's parents did not react.
Sometimes, in my zeal against false doctrines, I have mentioned with special emphasis the doctrines of certain religions which are considered by some to be cultic, such as having more than one wife, or spurious ordinances in idolatrous temples, or the arrogance to entertain the idea that mere humans could ever become equal with God.Julia's shoulders dropped, and her face fell. Her father's expression grew sharp, and her mother's pensive.
I reached around Julia's shoulders and gave her a hug while I prayed in my heart.
The reverend paused. I could not tell whether he was considering his tactics or not. He continued.
Perhaps it is not right to tell a man what he ought to believe and what he ought not, but there are doctrines that cannot be mixed within a family to good results, and I strongly urge anyone considering marriage to carefully consider the results of mixing such doctrines in their future children's minds, if not in their own.He paused again, not looking at anyone in particular.
I felt the spirit of the meetinghouse suppressed.
Julia looked down and stood up, turning towards the isle. I stood with her, and her parents moved their knees sideways to let us pass.
Pat stood to meet us, but Julia shook her head and passed by. I nodded to the three of them as I followed her, thinking the word "patience" to them, and Pat remained standing, watching us leave.
I caught up with Julia at the door and the ushers opened the doors.
We walked into the foyer together, and Julia turned and buried her face in my chest. "Not now," her voice was muffled by my sweater. "Not now."
I wrapped my arms around her and we stood together for a moment, then she turned turned the doors outside and we walked out together.
"Clouds. Was there a forecast for rain?"
Julia looked up. "They don't look like rain clouds." She started walking towards the nearby park, still brown and dry for the end of winter.
I followed her.
"Well, I guess that solves my problem. If I can't trust the preacher, I'd say I'm free to join your church."
"Actions taken in anger do not lead to salvation."
Julia looked back at me in surprise, and I took an extra stride to catch up and take her hand.
"He isn't completely wrong, you know. We ourselves do not currently practice plural marriage, and the practice tends to evil, unless it is specifically directed by God. It's a hard enough thing when God commands it."
She looked at me, startled.
"My great-grandparents. I've read a bit in their journals."
"Then it really happened."
"Yes. I believe God commanded it for His own purposes, and I also believe He commanded us to stop it."
"Why?"
"One of my great grandfathers lost his first wife and their first baby when the birth did not go well. His second wife was in poor health, and could not have children. There was a woman from Sweden with six children, who lost her husband on their way to Utah, and he married her. There was always some jealousy between the second and third wife, and some disagreement among the children about rights of decent."
She looked at me quizzically. "Then, polygamy was about taking care of widows?"
"Not always. It was one of the means of taking care of widows mentioned in the Bible. It's a bit hard to understand now, but, in the better cases, it was about giving women options in a time when they didn't have many. But some of our men made it a matter of pride. And some of our women, as well."
"What does the Bible say about it?"
"The Law of Moses suggested that the brother of a dead man take care of his widow and her children by polygamous marriage. The New Testament strongly suggests that bishops should be monogamous. Going a bit further back, Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to give him children when she couldn't."
"Surrogacy, but by natural means?"
"Well, yeah. Jacob, on the other hand, was deceived by Laban, who wanted a good, hard working son-in-law. And then Rachel couldn't have children at first."
"I guess I never really thought seriously about those stories. What about your temples?"
"Do your parents think they'll continue to be together after they die?"
"I don't know."
"Many religious families think so, but the doctrines of most churches say we won't."
"Being able to be together sounds better."
"It is, if we are really together in this life. But how do we find each other on the other side of the veil?"
"That's something I've never thought about."
"In our temples, we perform ordinances which allow us to be together as families after we die."
"Reverend Johansen says they are pagan."
"Various opinions exist, many people, even after they are cautioned, don't listen carefully, and misunderstand them. There's a particular misunderstanding about something some people call a blood oath."
"I remember he mentioned that."
"Confusion over the meanings of words, I think. For instance, if a baseball coach threatens the players and makes them swear they will hit a home run or let the coach beat them with a baseball bat, that's bad, right?"
"No way that would be right."
"But if a coach urges the players to stand in the batter's box with courage, and not let the catcher's threats to beat them with a baseball bat after the game deter them from getting good hits on any balls they can, that's still not easy, but it's different, right?"
"Surely catchers don't really mean it?"
"Umpires are supposed to stop catchers when they say things like that, but they don't always hear. And catchers are usually just trying to break the batters' concentration, but there have been occasions of post-game violence."
"And you're saying that what Reverend Johansen calls a blood oath is more the latter, I guess?"
"As I understand it."
"Still pretty tough. I guess that's why you didn't get mad back there in the meeting, though."
"Yeah, partly. I think he's a good man, really. Just misinformed."
"What about the becoming equal with God thing? If I became a Mormon, could I be a Goddess?"
I laughed and gave her a sideways hug. "You already are."
"Be serious."
"Okay. Aside from your being one very good-looking woman, you are a child of God."
"Is that Biblical?"
"I can show you later, but there's a Psalm where God stands in the congregation of the mighty, judging among the gods. That's lower-case 'g', by the way. And God says, 'I have said ye are gods, all of you are children of the most High.'"
(Psalm 82.)
"I'm not sure what that means."
"It could definitely mean many things, but Jesus quoted it when some of the Jews were ready to stone Him for admitting He was the Son of God. And then He said, if David said they were gods, children of God, and the scripture couldn't be broken, then what complaint would there be if Jesus were also? The best argument I've heard against this is that Jesus was playing word games with them, but I don't think He played that kind of word game."
(John 10, verses 24 to 40.)
"I want to see that."
"But that doesn't really answer Reverend Johansen's charge. Some of us do make it a matter of pride, rather than a duty to learn how to be more like God, and that is not an attitude that will save anyone."
"Okay, I guess I can see why you didn't get upset."
"Thanks."
She stopped and turned to me, taking both my hands. "But I want to know something."
"What's that?"
"Is there any chance for you and me? I mean, you could have kissed me last night while we were listening to music, or ..."
"What do you think God wants?"
"I think He, ... I don't know."
"Is He leading us to be friends?"
"Yes."
"Then let's trust Him to lead us where we should go next."
"You're not going to kiss me now, either."
"Your choice."
We looked deep into each other's eyes, and then she nodded.
"Not yet, anyway. Let's go back. I want you to tell all this to Reverend Johansen.
"Well, if he's interested. He may have heard it all before."
On our return, Julia's parents met us in front of the church.
Her mother took her in her arms. "Are you okay, Hon?"
"Definitely, Mom. Joe's been busy helping me understand what Reverend Johansen was saying."
Her dad wrinkled his forehead and looked sharply at me. "Where do you stand on the subject?"
"I want Julia to be happy, and I don't want her to make any hasty decisions for my sake."
His expression cleared and he cuffed me on the shoulder. "Good boy."
I avoided rolling my eyes, and grinned back.
Pat, Mike, and George came out.
"There you are! Aren't you mad?"
"No, I'm not." Julia ducked her head. "Let's go to communion."
"I'll wait in the foyer," I said.
Julia smiled a sad smile at me, while her friends looked at me in confusion.
"Go ahead, I have my own communion this afternoon."
Reverend Johansen came up from behind us and clapped me on the shoulder. "Son, could I have a word with you and Julia after communion?"
Julia turned back and gave him a smile. "Could we do it after Bible study?"
The reverend looked a little confused. "Of course."
While I waited, I talked with some of the members who apparently did not consider themselves in good enough grace for communion, avoiding contentious subjects, focusing on agreement, letting them tell me about themselves. Then Julia and her friends came back and we went to their Bible study class. Reverend Johansen joined the class, and seemed rather impressed with my knowledge of the Bible.
After their Bible study, we talked with the reverend in private. At Julia's insistence, I rehearsed what I had told her about the doctrines he had taken issue with, taking time to find the verses in question.
"So what do you think of these doctrines?" Reverend Johansen looked at me sternly.
"For now, I'm trying to learn to walk a godly walk, sir, trying to learn how to be guided by the Holy Spirit more than unholy spirits."
"How many wives do you plan to take in the resurrection."
"If I can learn how to live well with one wife here, it will be an honor if she will still be friends with me there."
"What about Julia?"
"She and I seem to both be simply following where the Holy Spirit leads us."
Julia added, "Just reminding you, this guy treats me a lot better than some of the members of our congregation."
The reverend smiled a wry smile. "I see that you have been careful to confirm the faith of the members of my congregation. You are welcome to continue to do so. I think I am glad to find a friend among those whom I had so long considered to be enemies."
"I am, as well, sir."
I had lunch with Julia and her family, and she accompanied me to my meetings in the afternoon. Then she came over for dinner, and we went together to the young adult family home evening afterwards. When I took her home, we parted with a hug.
[JMR20200322 -- original published:]
Chapter 11.4: Headwinds --
[Backed up at https://joel-rees-economics.blogspot.com/2020/03/bk-33209-headwinds-church.html.]
[JMR202003202321 -- lopped parse path:]
The sermon, except for certain elements that were specifically west-Texas version Southern Baptist, might have passed for a Bishop's or High Councillor's message on the importance of family.
After the sermon, the preacher made his way to where Julia and I were talking with some of her friends.
"Brother?"
"Reeves. Joe Reeves. Reverend?"
"Johnson. Bill Johnson."
"Glad to meet you, Reverend Johnson."
"Glad to have you visit. Julia and her family generally participate in communion."
I had prayed in advance about it, but had not yet received any specific guidance.
"May I have a word with you in private?"
He nodded, and we moved away from the group.
"If you please."He gave me nod.
"Well, I understand from previous experience that some members of your congregation would consider me to be not Christian, or to not be properly baptized, and would be offended if I participated in communion here. I will be attending my own communion this afternoon anyway, so perhaps I should decline."
He gave me a sharp look.
"Not Christian?" He raised an eyebrow.
"According to some. I myself believe I am a Christian. I am a member of that way commonly as Mormon."
He gave me a sharp look. "Julia knows about this?"
"We've talked about it a number of times."
"I don't want to ... lose Julia."
"How do you mean?"
He thought for several moments. "Well, you're right. Some of my congregation, myself included, would be offended if you were so bold as to join us in communion. I appreciate your willingness to excuse yourself."
I nodded and smiled, and we returned to the group.
"Julia, why don't you join your family for communion. I'll wait here."
She looked from me to her pastor and back with no small fire in her eyes. "Pastor, ..."
"Considering that some here would not consider me Christian, I think I should decline. I'll be attending communion with my church this afternoon anyway."
"Okay."
I thought I read resignation in her eyes.
"I suppose I can attend your communion?"
Her pastor closed his eyes, and I read a flash of anger in his face.
"That would be up to you." I inclined my head, keeping my expression neutral.
"May I have a word with you Julia?" The anger was gone, but there was something hard in his now-open eyes.
"Reverend," Julia's father interrupted. "The communion?"
Pastor Johnson shook his head, then nodded. "I should prepare." He walked away.
Julia took my arm and we walked away from the group. When we had found a private nook she stopped. "Why did you have to say anything?"
"I prayed, and got no specific guidance except that it is never good to deliberately deceive."
She pushed me away, then pulled me around to face her. "There is a wall between us."
"I know." I had to stop and think. "Several walls, still, or I would be chasing you like a love-sick puppy until you got sick of me and told me to go away."
She smiled at that.
"I develop crushes easily. Have I mentioned this to you?"
"Crushes?" Now she was not smiling.
"It's what my sister Louise called it, and it works for me. Some guys would call it falling in love, but I think most people think of that as being too unique. It's easy for me to see the beauty in people, you included."
By this point, she was looking down in disappointment. "So I'm not really all that special to you?"
I took a deep breath. "Dang. Yes, you are special. But I have a particular curse. Everyone is special. Shouldn't you be getting to your communion?"
[JMR202003202321 -- lopped parse path.]
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